7 ACCURATE DEPICTIONS OF TRAUMA RESPONSE IN ‘BABY REINDEER’

*** TRIGGER WARNING & SPOILER ALERT ***

Since the release of ‘Baby Reindeer’ on Netflix in April 2024, viewers have been praising the series for its accurate portrayals of abuse, trauma, and survival. This limited series by Richard Gadd has resonated with viewers who have experienced childhood trauma, gender-based violence, and sexual abuse. Many viewers have stated that the show has been validating for them as survivors. You may be wondering, how did this short series get so much right in its depiction of trauma? 

I believe the answer lies in the fact that the story is based on real-life events. The protagonist, Donny Dunn, is created around Richard Gadd’s true-life experiences. Having lived through abuse and trauma, Gadd shares his first-hand insights into the multi-faceted emotions that survivors experience. The psychodynamic link between emotions and actions is clearly made visible in Donny Dunn’s story – the subconscious mind manifests itself in all its complexity for everyone to witness! 

Here is a short list which briefly explores the ways that trauma is manifest in ‘Baby Reindeer’: 

1. Self-sabotage: Donny Dunn is ambitious! He has his heart set on becoming a comedian. He takes part in competitions, travels to festivals, and attends dance school in an effort to make his dream come true. For years, he tries to reach his goal of being a famous comedian. This desire is so strong that it even leads him down the path of destruction with a dangerous showman who grooms and sexually violates him, resulting in  extreme distress and torment in Donny’s life. Yet, when Donny finally goes viral and begins to make a name for himself, with job offers coming in, he turns away from it, and focuses his attention on his stalker, Martha Scott.
   
   His ambition to be a famous comedian is replaced by an obsession to figure out Martha’s mind. Here we see Donny displaying signs of self-sabotage and possibly Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). He neglects the job opportunities coming in, and tells Keeley that he has lost interest in being a comedian. Instead, he devotes all his time to solving ‘the mystery of Martha’. He goes even further to accept a job offer from his abuser! Who knows what further damage may come to him in the future from this decision?!
   
2. Confusion surrounding self-identity: After Donny is sexually assaulted by his mentor, he begins to experience confusion about his sexuality. Prior to the rape, he led a heteronormative lifestyle but after the rape, he questions whether he was homosexual before the rape. He no longer knows if he is straight, gay or bisexual. This quest to understand and redefine his identity, results in several risky sexual encounters with strangers which leads to more cognitive dissonance and discomfort within himself. When Teri asks him to identify his sexuality, he cannot give her an answer, and makes a joke to avoid the question. 
   
3. Stockholm Syndrome and destructive relationships: As mentioned above, under ‘Self-sabotage’, Donny returns to his abuser. He goes back to the house where he was raped. He accepts a job offer from his abuser. He still views his abuser as a provider and protector. This is a textbook example of Stockholm Syndrome, where the victim bonds with the abuser in order to survive the traumatic ordeal. This is noticed directly after the rape, when Donny takes a shower, realises he’s been raped, and begins to cry in pain. Darrien approaches him with a towel and outstretched arms. Donny reacts by literally crying on Darrien’s shoulder. Instead of running away from or fighting against Darrien, he leans into his abuser for support. Darrien had groomed Donny over several months, strengthening the trauma bond and making it unbreakable. 
   
   Similarly, Donny and Martha are trauma bonded as well. But in this case, the roles of victim and abuser are harder to differentiate, as both of them support and abuse each other in different ways. This dynamic occurs when two trauma survivors try to come together in a friendship or relationship. Both of them display signs of the insecure-attachment style (based on ‘attachment theory’), which results in an emotionally unstable push-pull relationship. 
   
4. Feelings of guilt and shame: It is typical for survivors of abuse to feel guilt and shame for what has happened to them. Victims often self-blame and feel embarrassed to talk about what has happened to them, even though the abuse is not their fault. This is exactly the case with Donny. He does not tell his girlfriend or parents about what he is going through; he chooses to suffer alone. He keeps the guilt and shame locked up inside himself, until he eventually explodes without intending to. Donny blames himself for the rape because he kept seeing Darrien despite the escalating sexual abuse. There is conflict between his mind and emotions – intellectually he understands that Darrien groomed him and took advantage of him, but emotionally he feels responsible for getting himself into that situation. 
   
5. Isolation and loneliness: Both Donny and Martha are lonely. Due to their trauma history, they have difficulty connecting with people and maintaining healthy relationships. They overstep boundaries or let others cross their boundaries, when they feel lonely. They seek out relationships to fill the voids which they feel inside themselves. These are not healthy motivators for relationships and as a consequence they end up hurting others and themselves. This leads to further isolation and loneliness, as they struggle to trust people after being repeatedly hurt. This vicious cycle continues no matter how hard they try to be in healthy relationships. 
   
   When Donny initially visits the police, they do not take him seriously. When Keeley and her mum hear about his difficulties with Martha, they kick him out the house, instead of empathising with him. Donny has a hard time getting people to understand him. The only person who understands him is Teri, and that is because she is a trained therapist. But even Teri cannot tolerate Donny’s behaviour on a long-term basis, and has to break away from him despite their love for each other. All of these failed connections lead to further isolation and loneliness for Donny, making him more and more vulnerable to Martha’s predatory schemes. 
   
6. Fear: All the main characters in the story experience fear in one way or another. Donny is afraid of his failing career; he’s also afraid of Martha, and of losing Teri. Martha has severe abandonment issues, and is afraid of losing her Baby Reindeer, Donny. Teri is afraid that Donny will never be able to treat her the way she deserves, and she is afraid of going back to her past traumas (when she was victimised for being transgender). These characters make decisions based on their fears, which leads to more pain and unhappiness in their lives. 
7. Repetitive patterns and cycles: The last scene in the series is left open-ended. The viewer is led to believe that Donny will turn into a stalker like Martha. In an uncanny twist, he finds himself in Martha’s shoes, after he has finally got rid of her from his life. It seems to the viewer that the cycle of abuse and trauma will continue, with new victims involved. 
   
   The viewer is also aware that Donny has accepted a job offer from Darrien, which means there is a possibility that he will become Darrien’s victim again. Also, Donny is not able to move on with his life; he returns to live with Keeley’s mum. 
   
   In all of this, we see that Donny cannot move past the abuse and trauma; he remains stuck. Though he has told his secrets to the world, gotten support from his parents, and gotten rid of Martha, he cannot stop himself from repeating the trauma cycle. He chooses what is familiar, rather than choosing what is safe and freeing. He is so accustomed to suffering and self-loathing, that he cannot build a new life away from danger and self-sabotage. He has formed a comfort zone where, in a strange turn of events, he is now obsessed with Martha.

In closing, it can be said that Richard Gadd’s ‘Baby Reindeer’ is an important piece of art that showcases the complex intricacies and nuances of trauma response, especially when abuse is involved. This series is a groundbreaker, and has the potential to bring greater awareness and understanding of abuse to the general public at large.